In January 2003, at the age of twenty-nine, I suffered a devastating hemorrhagic stroke. The stroke was caused by an undetected malformation of blood vessels on the right side of my brain, and I underwent emergency brain surgery the night of my stroke to stop the massive bleed. I woke up seventeen days later from a drug-induced coma, paralyzed on the left side. In the blink of an eye, our whole lives had changed. I am an only child, and my husband, Dainis, and I were just shy of our fifth wedding anniversary when my stroke occurred. I spent two…
We Don’t Have What It Takes to Care for Our Parents by Kathy Howard
When my husband and I were young parents, we designated that carefree time of life before the arrival of the first offspring as “BC” – before children. Before children we enjoyed spontaneous outings, a little extra spending money, and a good night’s sleep. But “after children”, everything changed. Grocery store trips required hours of preparation. Paychecks often ran out before the next payday. And we regularly navigated our days in a sleep-deprived state. Caring for little ones was tough. Then they grew to be teenagers and parenting stretched us to new lengths. Now, with our children grown, we can look…
Holding Your Hand in a Flame by Darcie J. Steiner
Caregiving isn’t just for older people. In 2000, I began needing care at age 35 after falling down the stairs in our home. My husband Mark was launched into caregiving not only for me but full-time as well for our young daughters. After my fall, I developed a nerve-pain disorder called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. It is very complex and excruciatingly painful. Any slight touch to the skin sent me over the moon in pain. Mark cared for me for five years until my symptoms diminished, and I could again care for myself. Then the unthinkable happened. After fully recovering…
The Thursday Gift of the Ordinary (Extraordinary) -Part 1 – By Cheri Swalwell
My father-in-law had been in the ICU for three days, unresponsive. His family had surrounded him throughout the days, for as long as we were allowed to be there. To my surprise, when my daughter and I arrived at the beginning of visiting hours on Thursday to take up another silent vigil, he was awake, alert, talking and so happy to see us. We were given the gift of two uninterrupted hours with him, holding his hands, and listening to him as he blessed each of our family members. He would not stop talking and reliving so many special events…
God Doesn’t Waste a Hurt by Deborah Malone
Thank you, Loretta, for inviting me to share my experience with caregiving. This is a much-needed topic for those who find themselves in the position of being a caregiver to a loved one. My experience as a caregiver started at a very young age. I can’t remember when I didn’t feel the overwhelming responsibility that comes with being a caregiver. My mother was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when she was only 12 years old. After being bedridden for a couple of years, she went into remission. Mother was from Cincinnati, Ohio, and my dad was from Opelika, Alabama. Talk about…
Could I have Done More by Mary Jane Holt
Two months before his death my husband said, “Honey, you can live without me, but I can’t live without you. You’ve got to rest more.” His words were true. I have a nursing background which helped me know early on that I would have to make hard choices and pace myself in order to walk well through what lay before us. I cut out or limited anything and anyone who drained me excessively. I stopped all in home entertaining except for a couple of very close friends and relatives who were supportive without adding to our stress. I encouraged my…
